The 3 Wurst Moves to Make in an Argument
New Braunfels, Texas founded in 1845 by Prince Carl of Solms-Braunfels has rich ties to German culture. From the architecture, to organizations, and businesses; the nod to German roots are cherished, beloved and intertwined with the heart and pulse of the growing town. Perhaps the most widely-known celebration of founding culture is experienced at New Braunfels's annual “Wurstfest”. This annual celebration of German culture: cuisine, dress, beer and music gathers New Braunfels and hill-country wide residents for connection, memory-making, pin-collecting good times. This festival plays it up, coining it as the “wurst time of the year”. Here in New Braunfels, Texas wurst means best so I offer to you my 3 wurst moves to make during an argument, from your local New Braunfels Marriage Counselor:
Wurst Move #1: Forgetting to Breathe
Breath is your friend. If something lights you up, sets you off, your partner throws open the door ready for a war of words…pause….big breath. In for four, hold, out for five, pause, repeat. Your breath helps you stay grounded in your body. Staying grounded in your body helps ensure you’re saying what you want to say and not unleashing the snap reaction first instinct that wants to cut first and cut deep.
Wurst Move #2: Planning Your Rebuttal Instead of Listening
Proceed slowly and leave the rebuttal behind: special bonus two tips in one here! Go slow enough to think about what you want to say before you say it, use your listening skills to be sure you understand how your partner is feeling at this moment in time. Listening to understand is not hearing the words but saying to yourself “that’s not right… that’s not what happened…okay that’s true but only because this…and on and on.” That’s not listening, that’s building your defense. I help couples move beyond right/wrong objectivity battles and learn skills for repair that honors both self and partner.
Wurst Move #3: Powering Through Without a Break
Take a break if needed. This may be controversial to some but when time outs are used with specific parameters, they serve as a significant pivot point in breaking the circuit that would only lead to greater hurt, pain, and disrepair. When I work with couples I teach them this skill to take time outs effectively and in a way that helps the relationship thrive.
Conclusion: From Wurst Moves to Best Practices
Just like the Wurstfest celebrates community and connection, your arguments don't have to drive you apart. By avoiding these three "wurst" moves—forgetting to breathe, planning your rebuttal, and refusing to take a break—you can transform your conflicts from destructive battles into opportunities for deeper understanding.
Remember, the goal isn't to never disagree; it's to disagree in a way that honors your connection. By practicing these better habits, you can ensure that your relationship truly enjoys the best of times, even during difficult conversations. If you find these patterns are hard to break on your own, don't hesitate to reach out. Together, we can build the skills to make your communication as strong and enduring as the German heritage we celebrate here in New Braunfels.
